Game of Thrones returned last night with the uneven “Dragonstone.” It was one of those “pieces moving” episodes where pieces move, just as we saw them start to move at the end of last season, and now we see that they have all moved a little and some are still moving. Also, Ed Sheeran was there for some reason.
Walder Frey – As soon as I saw him, I knew what was happening. I don’t know if that’s good storytelling. Still, it’s always relaxing to see Arya kill people. Plus she has badass catch phrases now.
White Walkers – I really hope they don’t spend an entire episode following the White Walkers walking through the white snow. Because when you’ve got 12 episodes left you need to set up these zombies who have been (presumably) walking south for the last 6 years. How about a storyline where the Knight King tries to marry the ugliest woman on the Iron Islands in exchange for a thousand ships? What, you don’t think the Iron Island has another thousand ships and another Greyjoy? Ships and Greyjoys and marriage proposals for everyone! The Night King getting to Eastwatch by the Sea to get his ships and then he has to turn around because he forgot a gift of unfathomable worth. Actually, that probably happened a few episodes after Hardhome and that’s why it’s taking so long.
Edd: “Who are you?”
Bran: “Branden Stark.”
Edd: “Prove it.”
Bran: “Here are two places you have been.”
Edd: “By gods it is you!”
Brothers of the Night’s Watch: “Shouldn’t we ask for ID or maybe have him answer a personal question or something?”
Edd: “Lets get him inside.”
Jon Snow and Sansa – The King in the North is open to criticism, but not in front of all the other lords and ladies. This is going to be quite the power struggle between two people who basically want the exact same things, but with very small differences.
Lord Glover – Every time this man opens his mouth in public a 12-year old girl completely shuts him down.
Lyanna Mormont – I hope they shot all her scenes through the finale before she had a growth spurt or something.
Cersei – You know you’re an insane person when normal maps are no longer good enough to make your points.
Jaime – People in King’s Landing talking about winter arriving like people in California trying to drive in a light drizzle.
Din-ah-stees – Din-ah-stees for everyone. Din-ah-stees as far as the eye-can-see.
Euron Greyjoy – No. I do not like what they did to Euron Greyjoy. He was perfect just the way he was. Now he’s the most fashionable bad boy in all Seven Kingdoms. And now that he’s sailed his armada all the way to King’s Landing he’s going to turn them all around and go searching for what I have to assume is Tyrion.
Samwell – Putting away books, eating shit food and cleaning chamber pots was the most useless montage in television history. All so he could sneak into the restricted section and steal the perfect book which revealed the secret that… there was dragonglass at Dragonstone. Duh? Which Stannis already told him. Why was The History of Dragonglass and Where to Find it in the restricted area? After he sends a raven to Jon with this scoop does he go back to studying and forging chains for another decade? When was the last time you saw a young-ish maester?
Archmaester Ebrose – The last time a student came to him asking questions about something in the restricted section of the library there were horcruxes involved.
Littlefinger – He must be quite bored. Sansa won’t even let him say clever stuff. Will he threaten to take his army and force Sansa to smile at him again?
Ed Sheeran – What the f— was the point of this scene?
The Hound – It’s nice that The Hound found religion. And based on all the snow and the fire killing white walkers and the fact that the Lord of Light can bring people back to life I’m willing to say that R’hllor is the one true deity.
Jorah – Stick your non-grayscale hand out, jerk.
Dany – Somebody mash up this long scene with Coming Home. I can’t wait for the map strategy montage in episode 2. “Shall we begin” is such a great line for the end of an episode. It’s like, “OK, NOW we’re going to start the season.” Can’t wait.